1. if i could find a man who loved me half as much as my cat pretends to love me when he actually just wants to be fed i would be so happy

     


  2. it’s not that i’m looking for a “boyfriend” i’m just looking for a permanent exclusive fuck buddy there’s a huge difference ok??

     


  3. two out of the three guys pursuing me right now are literal greek gods/actual personal trainers and i am flabbergasted at what they see in flabby not at all toned me. good thing they all live super far away or i would spontaneously combust from the pressure.

     


  4. i just want to find a guy who becomes my best friend but we also have sex is that too much to ask?????

     


  5. the perfect man is equal parts sex and kindness.

     


  6. hey dudes if your main seduction technique is taking off your shirt in public we’re not gonna get along

     


  7. “I like you so much that I’m going to make you think I hate you to hide my overwhelming embarrassment about liking anyone”

     


  8. When considering a partner to engage in an adult relationship, most ladies list “having a job,” “having reliable transportation” or “is emotionally available” pretty close to the top of their hypothetical checklist. At this point, “having a dog” is resting comfortably at the top of MY list because I miss having a pet SO SO SO much. I’m easy to please,  I guess.

     


  9. the perfect guy is equal parts sex and kindness.

     


  10. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT.

    Any time in a relationship any of you feel yourselves thinking “Well, I should probably have sex with now or else s/he’ll be mad and mean to me,” take it as a giant sign that something is Not Okay, and start thinking about how to get yourself to a safe place that is Away. Even if Away is the next room by yourself with a door closed where you can hear yourself think.

    -CaptainAwkward.com